I woke on a Saturday morning to a day planned for rest. I had been ill for two weeks and was beginning to feel better, but not fully myself.
I was growing tired from being sick, honestly. And from the moment I woke up to the time I laid my head back down for another night of sleep, I felt like crying. Yet, I had no idea why. Surely being sick was not the reason behind my wanting to relieve myself of held back tears.
This has definitely happened to me before countless times, and each time I have struggled with what was wrong. This particular time, with my eyes closed to fall asleep, I began to ask myself what it was that I needed rather than what was wrong with me.
Redirecting my question just slightly brought me greater clarity for what was truly bothering me. And I had an answer, several answers in fact.
As I worked through each troubling issue that my heart was holding onto, I slowly felt a nice peace rest on me.
I came to the realization that I had been so consistent with not listening to my mind and body, that I was a master at ignoring my own real needs. And parts of me were literally crying for those needs to be met, thus why at times I would feel the urge to cry without unknown cause.
The more healing that I am receiving from trauma I have experienced, the more I am learning how to steer my attention inward and listen to my soul. It has been through doing this listening activity that my sought after healing has come. Now I am developing a new and healthy habit of learning to be aware of that inner voice more and more.
Now some will read this and think that it is not the right Christian thing to do to get our needs met. They will have a handful of verses to show that we should be selfless, ready to sacrifice our own needs for the sake of others, and deny ourselves consistently.
And I hold onto those verses as well. However, there comes a point when we have pushed down our own personal needs so much that we begin to lose ourselves and lose touch with our own heart and soul. I feel strongly that choosing to meet the needs of others before our own needs should come at the instruction and leading of the Lord. He will enable us to do so and give us His grace as well. Because, yes, there are many times where we are asked and will be asked to be obedient in putting another before ourself.
The balance is learning that we still need to care for ourselves so that we do not come into harm from neglecting what we need.
It is a hard line to walk when there are seasons that we must give ourselves more than normal. Thankfully, God does sustain us in those challenging times.
And then there are seasons where the Lord pulls us to Himself for rest and restoration. And in the in-between times we need to learn the balance of serving others and also caring for ourselves.
As I am learning how to sit still and listen to what my heart and soul are telling me, and I respond with how I will meet each need, my heart is filled with joy. And room to hear the Lord more often and more clearly is made.
God wants our needs to be met. He loves us so much. His heart is for our hearts to be set on Him. He does not demand of us so much that our health is impacted negatively. He is watching with a caring eye.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
If you cannot see the heart of the Lord in this passage of Scripture for you to find rest in Him and to understand that He does not demand as much as we sometimes pressure ourselves into believing He does, then reread it again with an open heart to hear Him speak to you.
And if you are unable to know what needs you might have that you are neglecting, ask the Lord to help you know what those are and make a plan to care for yourself better. When we are filled with Him and are healthy mind, body and soul, then we have so much more to offer not only Him, but others in our lives as well.