Bullies are attracted to nice people. They see them as easy prey and less likely to fight back. The bully wants a punching bag that will not punch back. The bully wants to feel power over another life because they are struggling themselves on the inside.
I am a nice person. I have had my share of bullies in my life. I have been tackled to the ground on a playground by another kid. I have had nasty notes written to me put in my locker in middle school. I have been ridiculed for being too nice in social settings as an adult.
And I would not change my niceness for the world. I choose to be nice for a reason.
Let me take you back when I used to be a floor supervisor working at a nice Mexican restaurant in Houston. To get that supervisor position I had to convince my General Manager, who I deeply respect, that my niceness would not prevent me from getting my job done, which was to get the wait staff to do what I told them.
I could tell he really wanted to put me in that supervisor position. He saw my work ethic and how I interacted graciously with the guests in the restaurant, but when it came to me asking if he would consider promoting me, he had his main objection.
Then one day we had another conversation about it and he asked me if I was certain that others would follow my orders as a leader. I assured him that they would. He then asked me if I would get them to follow instructions by becoming strict and firm, like he was. I told him, honestly, that I would get them to follow me as their leader by other means.
He did not believe that this was possible, but he decided to promote me anyways. I guess he was interested in seeing how I would do this.
This was not my first job I had, nor was it the first time for me to be on a management team, and so I had confidence in how I would lead my staff with my personality and how I engage with people.
I got my staff to follow my lead by showing them each a lot of respect. Anytime they did something well, I acknowledged it and I thanked them for their hard work. If any of them called in because they had an emergency, I used my best judgement and discernment to see if they were pulling one over on me. I believed them when they were late to their shift because they needed to rush their pet to the vet, and I awarded others that helped me with taking up extra shifts for me.
I essentially would put myself in their shoes and ask myself how I would want to be treated. And a lot of them worked side by side with me before I was promoted to be their supervisor.
In the end, my General Manager came to me and said that I had the best turnout with staffed shifts and that everyone enjoyed working when I was on the floor supervising. He could not understand how I got them to work so hard for me, and without me changing how I lead and my personality.
I told him that I sincerely cared about each one of them, and that they could see that. And when I was in a tough spot filling up a shift with enough waiters, someone would come through for me because they liked me and wanted to help me.
Nobody on the wait staff was intimidated by me, but they worked hard for me. I still disciplined and corrected wrongs, but I did so as fairly as I could. The staff knew I was nice and they also knew I had a kind heart towards them.
If you are getting through this life thinking that being nice and kind will not benefit you, I encourage you to rethink that. At the heart of it, people want to be respected, they want to be treated well and looked after, and they can see your intentions behind your actions and choices.
I have gotten pushback for being a nice person from people in my life. Some feared that my niceness would prevent me from setting up proper boundaries or be wise with how I interact with others.
And then of course there are those that always want to take advantage of your niceness. I have been hurt by these people, but each time I learn and I am able to better discern motives the next time.
One things for sure, I choose to not allow what others think of my niceness, or even the hurt that sometimes comes with it, to change who I am. I choose to be nice, and not because this world needs a huge dose of niceness, but because being nice to someone goes a whole lot further than being ugly to them.
Try it out for yourself. The next time you interact with a cashier, or someone behind the counter, respond with kindness and patience and see how they respond. When we value people, even strangers, it leaves on them an imprint that can improve their mood, their day, or even their week. Sure, some will not respond in kind, but you can return home, tuck yourself in bed and be proud of yourself for choosing to care for others anyways.
How we treat others, in our families, in our friend circles, and even strangers, reflects who we are on the inside.