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If you go to a leader, whether it be someone in the workplace or your church or even within a family dynamic, to inform them of how you, or someone else you know about, has been mistreated in their sphere of influence and they choose to disregard what you have shared, then let me share a few pointers with you with what is going on.

Disregarding the pain and harmful experience you shared is not right.

And if that leader has somehow made you feel guilt or shame for exposing wrong behavior, then know that that leader is in error. They are ignorant of how to lead well, or they do not want to admit if they have done something they should not have and correct their own wrong, or they do not want to take the responsibility that is theirs to bring correction, or worse, they put that responsibility to correct the offender on your shoulders alone.

Leaders carry a burden to right the wrongs and to confront what needs to be confronted.

Being dismissed or treated poorly after clearly pointing out what needs to be dealt with should not bring doubt in your mind that you did something wrong. When a leader makes you believe that the wrong you see is not something to be burdened about, then it is highly possible that that leader is gaslighting you. Seek outside wisdom to help you recognize this behavior.

It is easier to ignore and sweep under the rug problems that arise, than to deal with them head on. And a leader that gaslights or makes the victim feel unheard and not validated is a leader that cares about their own time and energy, rather than caring for those they lead. And they will make it clear that they do not like those that rock the boat.

Like all of us, I have experienced really good leadership and very poor leadership. I have had opportunity to be a leader as well, and had plenty of room to grow in my leading skills.

Good leadership brings with it a feeling of being safe, of being heard and an understanding made clear by them of the expectations and guidelines for those they lead.

Poor leadership feels unsafe. You will second guess yourself often, feel insecure in the relationship and be made to believe that you are the problem if you do bring up an issue. The negative feelings you carry are meant for you to carry as the leader uses these to put those they lead in line. If you are kept in the unsure box, they feel in control.

A leader that needs to feel in control of those they lead are not leading well at all.

Jesus showed us true leadership. It is sacrificial, it is giving, it is showing love and kindness while also being vulnerable. And it is servanthood. A true leader serves those they lead, not control or harm them.

There will be unintentional hurt received, because we are all still learning and growing, but look for the patterns of what I shared above. If their leadership shows patterns of gaslighting, being passive aggressive, refusal to take responsibility or be held accountable or hold anyone else accountable for their wrong behaviors, then you have found yourself under a very unhealthy and poor leader.

Ask the Lord to show you what to do if this is a leadership you find yourself under. He will lead your steps and give you grace and strength to walk them out.

It grieves my heart when people find themselves under a very poor leader and feel responsible to remain loyal to that leader. Oftentimes loyalty to poor leadership reveals what is in our hearts as well. Wounds that are seeking healing in something that is comfortable, or rather poor treatment they are used to from previous harmful relationships, will keep people tethered to bad leaders. Healing of those wounds will uncover what we are blind to see.

May God place you under the right leadership where you feel peace and safe, and you find you are growing in a healthy way under them.

You might know that rest is what you need. Giving yourself a full day to be still, to put your feet up and to have time to process life seems what your soul is thirsting for.

Yet, although you have looked forward to escaping from the busyness of the week, you find yourself struggling on that day which is lacking the normal week-day structure.

Why has your day of rest now become an unexpected emotional ride?

You might feel that depression you’ve been able to distract yourself from all week poke its head around. Or it might be loneliness with no co-workers or students to keep you company. And still the dread of uncertainty about the future suddenly decides to show up and rob you of the peace you crave and need.

Rest days can be hard. Without all of the distractions of a normal routine filled week, assignment deadlines to meet and emails to respond to, a day to chill can just make room for other heart issues to surface.

If this is your struggle, I would encourage you to practice rest and being still despite the inner conflict. Begin with sitting alone just for a couple of hours per week and allow yourself to sit with those hard issues.

In that time work through whatever it is that comes to mind. Your heart and soul need you to work through those hard issues. Journal, go for a walk, talk with a trusted friend. But do not ignore what needs to be processed and what needs your attention for healing.

If guilt is the culprit that steals the joy found in rest, work against that lie that you have to be productive at all times. Your value and worth are not defined by what you do, but simply by who you are and whom you belong to; the Lord.

Embracing a full day of rest with a heart at ease and peace takes time for some of us. We have trained ourselves to be on the go, to be busy and to find solace in things not truly restful for us (ie. scrolling through social media, bingeing on tv shows).

If lack of structure is throwing you off, put in some structure to your rest day to help you in it. Plan what you want to do in the afternoon time, what you want for your meals and how you will make an effort to go slower in the mornings. And make time to be with your thoughts and to hear the voice of the Lord.

Rest can have some activity. Activities that fill your soul and don’t drain you. Activities that are slower and allow your mind to be calm (ie gardening, working on a puzzle, going for a long walk).

Over time, as you practice your day of rest and as you learn to process those built up emotions from the week and even wounds from your past, the day of rest becomes principle to your weekly routine. You will begin to crave that time to be alone with your thoughts and emotions instead of distracting yourself. You will start to plan those slower activities that give you time to dream about future things. And you learn to find companionship with God, not feeling alone and isolated.

We were made to serve the Lord, to walk with Him and to rest in Him. Not enough emphasis on our need to rest is made. Because those that don’t push for rest struggle to rest themselves for the same reasons you do.

Be the person that lives out of true rest in the Lord, not burning candles at both ends and not running from your pain and issues. God will give you help to learn how to rest. The first hand-full of real rest days will feel strange, but then soon it will be life giving.

Take care of yourself in this way.

Sharing my heart about recent events with Charlie Kirk, a dream and an encouraging message the Lord placed on my heart in response.

As hearts continue to be exposed, the Lord is raising up the pure in heart to serve and be bold in Him. The spiritual temperature in our nation is changing, both positively and negatively. Something we’ve all seen rapidly taking place for a number of years, however, we have definitely felt a much larger shift recently and we are catapulted into having to be more courageous, more strong in the Lord and more resilient as followers of Christ than ever before.

In short, we have been trained for this very hour and we should not and will not shrink back.

It is time to let God work through us more powerfully.

Lives are counting on our obedience and unashamed faith.

What I have personally learned about my experiences with being triggered is that sometimes God will allow that triggering to happen within us to get our attention of what needs to be dealt with within us.

Not only that, but God will also lead us into a situation or relationship similar to what we have experienced in the past that has caused us harm so that we can have an opportunity to retrain our brains that what it fears is no longer a threat. This is known as exposure therapy.

I am sharing my own recent experience with being triggered and exposure therapy to help you learn to have ears for the Lord’s voice if you find yourself in similar circumstances. God wants you healed and whole, but it takes some work on our part to see that happen. Mostly, it takes us being in a place of humility to accept what is happening within us so we can then invite the Lord to bring us healing.

We may not be so interested in finding healing with our trauma and/or emotional wounds, but the Lord is set on bringing us into full healing.

Our focus is often on what we can do “for” the Lord as believers in Christ, rather than walking the road of growth, healing and deliverance in the Lord.

There was a season I walked through while serving overseas in East Asia where the Lord was uprooting my belief system that His heart was all about my service to Him. I wanted God to approve of me, to accept and love me. My choices as a result of what I wanted and didn’t know I already had, was trying to please Him through serving Him.

When God was calling us back to the States my mind could not wrap around why He would do that. How was I supposed to continue serving Him? How was I going to gain more of His affection and love if I was no longer living a life I felt was truly surrendered to Him?

In this season I was struggling with ministry burnout really bad.

As I was grappling with these questions I started to hear the Lord tell me that He was looking at the condition of my heart and soul, not my service to Him. He could see the wounds and trauma I was living out of, which also dictated my subconscious hold of unhealthy ways of thinking and lies.

Yes, I did well in my service to Him, but because God truly cares about us and how we are doing in all areas of our lives, emotionally, physically and spiritually, He had to share with me more of His nature and my identity in Him.

God revealed to me that I was serving Him with wrong motives. I should not have been trying to win His love and affection as my motivation to serve Him. I already had that. My motive to serve Him should come from a heart that loves Him. And yes, I loved Him when I served Him abroad, but there were other wrong motives that competed for the right motive.

Today, I still see others serving the Lord out of a heart that isn’t fully pure in their motives. Oftentimes it is just a lack of growth and maturity in the Lord. Those who are busy for the Lord and cannot find time to rest and sit still with Him are the ones that are walking in the same thinking error that I did (and still work against).

If this describes you and you feel a pressure to show up all of the time at every opportunity to do “for the Lord” instead of living out of a knowing that He loves and cares and has accepted you already, then you will run into burnout over and over again.

You might also be living out of a “works based” theology unknowingly.

There is nothing we can do to earn what has freely been given us by His grace. Nothing. That is why it is called “saved by grace” so no one can boast in the good they do for God.

Learning to serve the Lord out of a heart that loves Him alone, with no twisted motives hidden elsewhere within, can change your life. You choose to do the things for Him that He actually leads you to do. Your relationship deepens because you are aware that you did not have to check all the boxes first in order for Him to answer and speak to you. Your relationship now has no room to be transactional with God, because you serve and obey out of love for Him rather than out of what you can get from Him. It is a true relationship you now have.

The Pharisees and Sadducees were guilty of doing “for God” rather than learning to have a relationship with God. Their religion and traditions were their gods, because their hearts and motives were not pure. And it was the disciples who realized that God just wanted their hearts.

Here is a litmus test of sorts for you. If you come to the end of the month completely exhausted from all the “doing” you are doing, and your unwillingness to say no to things is robbing you from more of a healthier schedule, then seek your heart to understand why you cannot say no. Perhaps your god is also religion and good works only, or maybe you fear displeasing others and their approval has become that god. Or, like me, you are trying to gain something from the Lord that you already have, spinning your wheels without realizing that He has not placed that burden on you, but your skewed belief system has.

Build on your relationship with Jesus. Make it about that relationship and do what you can to always keep it first in your life. If that means cutting out some activities or finding small moments here and there to interact with Him, then make that effort.

Relationship with Him is what Jesus came to save us for.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through wisdom your days will be many,
and years will be added to your life.”
Proverbs 9:10-11 NIV

A lot of the instructions and wisdom we read in the Bible are for our protection.

God leads our steps because we need to be led by Him. If we trust in our own judgement and allow ourselves to be in pursuit of the things our hearts desire without bringing in discernment, testing and seeking Him for wisdom, then we can find ourselves in difficult situations.

Godly wisdom, instruction, correction and accountability are things we as believers should embrace.

King Solomon asked the Lord for wisdom above all other things he could have asked for and he was blessed with all that comes with having wisdom from God. It’s a humble ask to seek godly wisdom. You have to be in a place of humility to recognize that you do not have all of the answers and that you are in need of God’s help and instruction.

I am reminded of this precious gift of wisdom after hearing a guest speaker at our church recently. He shared the importance and need of accountability and delighting ourselves in God’s Word.

I am also reminded of the wisdom I found in researching a video I created that focuses on how to uplift your mood with the daily and consistent healthy choices we make. It reveals how God created us to thrive as a result of our healthy choices in this life. His instructions with how we should live each day are the basic life principles that guard us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

So many of us look for secrets and things hidden deep to set us up for living a successful and fulfilled life, when simply opening up, for example, the book of Proverbs and aligning our lives with God’s Word is what makes the right impact our lives truly need.

And then of course there are things we catch that have no wisdom in them at all. They may preach they are such, but compared to the Bible and its’ standard the wisdom is found to be empty. This is why we need to search out godly wisdom and not the wisdom of this world.

Ask the Lord for wisdom each morning, choosing to embrace the wisdom that He provides you and you will discover much joy and peace in it.

Having struggled to be and remain happy myself for years, I find it fascinating how specific hormones within our bodies can impact the mood we have. It feels almost like a hack or a trick we can learn to boost our moods by the choices we make. However, those choices, healthy choices, need to be consistent and avoidant of making unhealthy choices too often.

In this video we look at what is called our “happy hormones”: dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin. And we learn the healthy habits that impact these hormones in a positive way, whether that is creating more serotonin within our bodies or learning to regulate our dopamine levels.

There is so much to learn on this topic! I hope this encourages you to make healthier choices even if just for your mood and mental health to be in a good place. Blessings!

Joseph had heard how his brothers feared he would act vengeance on them now that their father, Jacob, had died. This fear they had of him really grieved Joseph’s heart. He decided to reassure them that he would continue to care for them and their families beginning with asking them, “Am I in the place of God?”

“But Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done,
the saving of many lives.’”
Genesis 50:19 NIV

Joseph understood that if he withheld his forgiveness from them that he would be taking a seat that belonged to God, the seat of judgement. Instead he continues to walk in forgiveness towards them and their betrayal of him. He refuses to be in the place that belongs to God alone.

This one verse found in the narrative of Joseph, the Dreamer, gave me a visual that I could wrap my head and heart around when it came to forgiving those in my life that have harmed me.

If I found it difficult to release my offense towards another, I could easily remember what Joseph asked his brothers and remind myself the same, that I am not in the place of God and nor do I choose to be.

I am confident that God knew how us choosing to not forgive others would harm us in the end. There are scientific articles that share the importance of forgiveness in relation to our own health physically. Those that continually refuse to forgive others have physical ailments as a result: high blood pressure, diabetes, issues with their heart and so on.

Un-forgiveness creates within us negative emotions which in turn are not good for our nervous system and health if we hold onto them for too long.

The judgement seat does belong to God and more so in regards to those that have harmed us. And when we rob God of what belongs to Him we only bring harm to ourselves. We must forgive others and remember how the Lord has forgiven us for much as well.

Keeping our hearts clean of offense protects our relationship with God and allows Him the place He already exists and belongs in, the seat of judgement.

I sat with the Lord one day and discussed with Him again an issue that took place several years back. I wanted to know if He was going to do something to correct it.. to correct those involved and wondered why He had not already done something (at least to my knowledge).

And He gently told me, with no air of condemnation at all, that my continual bringing up the issue revealed something in my heart that needed to be corrected. I then realized I had not fully forgiven and released those involved in the hurt that was caused to others and myself.

Here is a video on finally letting go of what you might need to let go of in order to find your release from a self-made prison within your mind and thoughts.

Why do we place the same pressure and demands on ourselves when we are treading hard waters?

Why do we think it is a realistic notion to run at a pace we once had prior to that life interruption?

And why do we not give ourselves grace when life has suddenly become unbearable?

One thing I quickly learned about myself is that when the stress and pressure builds around me, I feel I must push harder and keep going strong. Yet, within my soul and heart I can barely do the normal things that need to get done.

Maybe it is human nature, maybe it is our American culture of remaining ambitious and strong in our pursuits or maybe we, as a culture, have found a coping mechanism to deal with what follows a crisis.

Remaining busy.

We cannot offer ourselves grace when we have not seen many provide us an example of what that looks like. Too many of us are not only hard on ourselves, but we are also negative towards ourselves.

So how will being kind and caring for ourselves have chance to come into play?

I had to teach myself to slow down, to heal, to rest and to offer myself grace in times of intense difficulty. And I am still learning this.

Oftentimes we struggle with guilt for taking a break. And how many of you reading this find it hard to include a full Sabbath rest into your week?

Let us begin to give ourselves permission to live differently than our culture, to take needed rest days and to step away from the grind when life is challenging. Let us give ourselves grace without shame, or guilt or any negative self-talk that says we should rather be hard on ourselves instead.

I believe that caring for our body, a temple of the Holy Spirit, honors God. When we allow ourselves to rest, heal and to recharge, we will find our cups overflowing again. We will serve better with clearer hearts and minds, whole and healed.

But first, we have to offer ourselves grace to do so.