When my husband and I were first married we both had placed an unrealistic expectation on our relationship to be picture perfect. It wasn’t a spoken expectation, but later we would admit to one another what we held within our hearts. This pressure to be perfect as a couple put unnecessary stress and tension on our relationship that kept us from being able to just relax in it.
It wasn’t until we learned how most married couples, even couples in ministry, also had conflict like we were that we realized we needed to give ourselves grace. Two people coming together as one family unit takes a lot of work.
As long as both people in the marriage choose to remain teachable and humble with one another the relationship will become strong.
I have grown to see my marriage as a tool God uses to reflect back to me where I need to heal, grow and mature. And for my husband it is the same. It is within our marriage relationship where we both are made aware of our own heart issues and when we are being selfish, overly critical and un-kind at times.
With a perspective like this we can abandon the perfected vision we have in our minds of marriage, one without conflict or hardship, and truly give one another and ourselves grace.
This also keeps any cycle of shame we could find ourselves drowning in from overtaking our hearts. It makes room for true growth, repentance when we wrong one another and developing a deeper love amongst us we never thought we could have.